Jim's NowPublic Postings

Random thoughts about the world, politics,politics, comedy, and stuff I post on NowPublic.com

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Location: Statesville, North Carolina, United States

57, bald, beard, 5'3" 189# single and looking

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Bush resume, or what's wrong with this picture?

My comments on this resume are in red

George W. Bush Resume

Past work experience:
•Ran for congress and lost.
•Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie. Such compassion eh?
•Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. Are we suprised all the investors lost their shirts?
•Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
•With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas. The village is still missing it's idiot.

Accomplishments: Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.
•Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court. Look it up, it's all true!

Accomplishments as president:
•Attacked and took over two countries. I knew when he announced he was running that he'd do this.
•Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury. I knew when he announced he was running that he'd do this.
•Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history. I knew when he announced he was running that he'd do this.
•Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period. I knew when he announced he was running that he'd do this.
•Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market. I knew when he announced he was running that he'd do this.
•First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. I knew he'd do this to cover up his involvement in planning 9/11.
•First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record. Which he's covered up
•First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history. He had to spend time in the bunker with his butt buddy, Osama!
•After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history. It too him that vacation time to arrange 9/11.
•Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history.
•In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
•Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.
•Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.
•Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history. All his butt buddies.
•Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television. He didn't want to accidentally spill the beans on anything. And he's fucking goofy (and NO I don't mean having sex with the Disney character, thought it wouldn't suprise me) he can't even talk straight, let alone keep a secret.
•Signed more laws and executive orders circumventing the Constitution than any president in US history. Shredded it is more like it
•Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed. Of course he didn't intervene, his buddy was involved.
•Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have. I knew gas would go through the freakin roof when he became prez.
•Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans. And has yet to attend a single funeral of any soldier he has illegally and immorally sent into harms way.
•Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)
•Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history. And threatened more countries than anyone in history, that if they brought war crimes against him and his posse, we'd impose economic sanctions against that country.
•My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US history. A rogue presidency, which I knew it would be before he even won.
•Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleezza Rice has an Chevron oil tanker named after her).
•Had more states to simultaneously go bankrupt than any president in the history of the United States. I knew this would happen too, before he even won, or should we say stole the election.
•Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.
•Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States. Homeland Insecurity, the biggest boondoggle in history. Homeland....sounds pretty German doesn't it? I suppose that would be because his Granddaddy was indicted for being Hitler's banker.
•Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history. But now, instead of $600 toilet seats, it's illegal wiretaps on ordinary citizens.
•First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission. Again, so we could torture prisoners and not fall under the Geneva convention.
•First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board. How else would we get western style democracy passed in Iraq? They don't want democracy, it smacks right in the face of the Koran, and which one do you REALLY think is gonna win out?......well duh!!!
•Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
•Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. And us the laughingstock of the world.
•Withdrew from the World Court of Law. Again, regarding torture of "enemy combatants"
•Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions. Now lets get real here shall we? First off, one of the best kept secrets around, is that bushbaby's mother, one of the ugliest white men I have EVER seen, owns a chain of private prisons. Where do you think Bush got the idea of setting up private prisons in various countries to torture prisoners. Mom recruited some of her most brutal guards to man the prisons, and of course, since it's privatized torture of prisoners, they don't fall under rules of military or governement tribunals for punishing abusive interrogators or guards.
•First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
•All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
•My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
•Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
•First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
•First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
•First US president to establish a secret shadow government. Yeah, just who IS this shadow government? Someone we didn't vote for that's for damn fuckin sure.
•Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
•With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
•Fist US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
•First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
•Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
•Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
•Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'. He's hiding in a bunker in Crawford Tx, I swear....I believe it's true.....how else could we not find a 6'4", bearded, nappyhead on kidney dialysis?
•Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.
•In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
•Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
•In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
•Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

Records and References:
•At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
•AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.
•Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
•All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
•All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
•All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
•Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public review.
•For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)

Letter From Santa

Monday, December 19, 2005

Why did the Romans build straight roads?

It's the old "why did the chiken cross the road" question.

So why DID the Romans build straight roads? So the nappie-heads wouldn't have corners to build strip malls on.

Does it just slay you, as it does me, that every dot head, ball bag, towel head wearing new visa holder who sets foot on American soil regardless of age, gets $100,000.00 that they DON'T have to repay the government. So they pool all this money together, sometimes many families going in on the same investment and they buy gas stations, mini-marts and strip malls, motels and of course the famous 7-11, a particular favorite of theirs.

Have you ever stayed in a motel owned by one? PHEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW, Curry city!

Now, why does our governement do this one might ask? Well things are supposed to be so terrible over there, that they all want to come here, but bottom line is they are allowed in like that under a secret deal with OPEC governments in exchange for military bases and oil rights.

Bush, you're a twitt, your village is missing it's idiot, stop fucking around with us overseas.

Stop giving away money to those who come into our country, or give US some too.